


but still, I can't wait to see your face

by orphan_account



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-02-08 15:33:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18626104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Sicheng falls in love in the same way the universe was created: swirling energy bursting at the seams.





	but still, I can't wait to see your face

**Author's Note:**

> so yeah
> 
> title: lost my home by ama lou

It is hardly past dawn when Sicheng stumbles into the used bookstore nestled into the string of shops downtown, small and charming in its age. There is no one inside, he thinks, until he hears a cheerful hum from the nonfiction aisle.

 

He steps into the aisle and before he can even greet the worker, they scream, biographies flying everywhere.

 

“I’m sorry!” Sicheng says immediately, rushing to gather the scattered books. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

 

As he hands the last of the fallen books over, he examines the face of the employee. His eyes are wide, impossibly bright, flawless humanity painted over his features. 

 

“It’s okay,” He says slowly. “I was kind of distracted. I should’ve heard the bell.”

 

Sicheng eyes the name tag that reads TEN. “Do you have any book recommendations? I have a long flight later today.”

 

Ten smiles. “So you drove all the way down here to buy a used book to read on a plane?”

 

Sicheng nods. “Yeah.”

 

Ten considers this. “You’re kinda weird,” He says. “I like it.” He moves past Sicheng and into another aisle. “I don’t really have a favorite book, but I just reread  _ Slaughterhouse Five _ .” He plucks a tiny novel from the shelf and hands it to him.

 

Sicheng reads the back cover and says, “Scale of one to ten?”

 

“A goddamn eleven.”

 

Sicheng raises his eyebrows at the enthusiasm. Ten seems pleased with his rating, smile pushing his cheeks up towards his glasses. There’s skull earrings dangling from his ears and a  _ Hello Kitty  _ shirt hugging his torso. He’s weird. Sicheng likes it.

 

After Ten coerces him into buying more of his favorite books, he finally reaches the counter, arms full. As Ten scans title after title, Sicheng glances at the open sketchbook on the counter. Pencil lines mark the edges of faces lingering at a bus stop, weary and happy, tired and relieved. It’s a moment stopped in time, placed on pause through sketching.

 

“Did you draw this?” Sicheng asks. He knows the answer is yes when Ten sweeps the book from the counter, ears scarlet. “It’s beautiful.”

 

Ten just shrugs. He hands the bags of books over. “You better let me know if you like them.” Sicheng nods. “And you gotta read all of them. Don’t just Sparknotes that shit because you think I’m cute.”

 

Sicheng stares in disbelief before bursting into laughter. Ten has a pleased smile on his face, like that of a spoiled cat. He shrugs again as if to say,  _ “I’m right though, aren’t I?” _

 

Sicheng is certain that if Ten were to draw this scene it would look like bliss caught in the knots of time, a love story beginning, the first page of a novel, morning settling into youth. A perfect pause.

 

*

 

“Sicheng!” Ten calls out from behind. “Give me my tea back!”

 

It is morning and Sicheng is making his way through the plaza, Ten’s green tea held above his head as he runs away. He narrowly dodges a stroller and hides behind a tree. 

 

Ten stomps into view, face red from the exercise. His glasses are askew, hair tousled wildly. There’s a jam stain from breakfast on the sleeve of his sweater. Sicheng is warm.

 

“You know I need my tea in the morning. Stop screwing around.”

 

Sicheng peeks from behind the tree and giggles. “Okay, you can have it back,” He begins to concede. Ten brightens. “ _ If _ ,” Ten groans. “You can reach it.”

 

“Sicheng! You’re built like a fucking skyscraper.” Ten whines. “Just give it.”

 

Sicheng gags. “Gross. Stop pouting.” He hands the now lukewarm tea over. “Here, take it.”

 

Ten snatches it immediately. He places a kiss on Sicheng cheek. “Thanks, I hate you.”

 

As morning bleeds into noon, they lay sprawling on the lawn, feelings bleeding into each other. Ten has his face turned towards the sun, eyes closed. His skin soaks up the energy from the burning star and Sicheng hopes it soaks up his love as well.

 

“Pretty day,” Ten mumbles. “Good day for tea.”

 

“Everyday is a good day for tea for you.”

 

Ten hums in agreement. He opens his eyes and tangles his fingers with Sicheng’s. “Everyday is a good day to be with you, for me.”

 

*

 

Sicheng has turned his phone off, has pulled his curtains, has buried himself beneath five blankets. It stings to think, to look back on his audition. He knows it was failure before he even hears back.

 

Nearly everything had went wrong. An audition that he was supposed to nail, that he absolutely should’ve nailed, crashed and burned in less than ten minutes. He’d practiced the monologue for so long, he had all but memorized the emotions. And yet disappointment still burned into his skin, a loop of every time he had fumbled over his words, spoke unconvincingly, didn’t even move his hands. Disastrous.

 

After an hour of drifting in and out of sleep, a knock at the door finally drags him out of bed. 

 

Unsurprisingly, it’s Ten.

 

“Is your phone dead?”

 

Sicheng leans against the doorway. “No.”

 

“I called you four times.”

 

“I turned it off.”

 

Ten gestures for an explanation. “Can I ask why?”

 

“I’m not really up for talking right now.”

 

Ten shoulders his way through the doorway, nudging Sicheng aside. “Did you fuck up your audition?”

 

He says it with zero empathy. Sicheng looks away and nods. 

 

“And you don’t want to talk about it?”

 

Sicheng nods again.

 

“Give me a number.”

 

Sicheng flashes all ten fingers. 

 

“Are you going to cry?”

 

Honestly, Sicheng wasn’t going to until Ten mentioned it. The sudden gentleness in his voice and numbness of the failure fading away has his eyes stinging.

 

Ten sighs and pushes him towards the couch. He hugs him close. “You can cry. It’s okay.”

 

Sicheng cries and midway through a sob he realizes this is the first time he’s cried in front of Ten. He is not used to revealing the bad parts of himself, always prepared to look composed, happy, expectant. He’s tired.

 

Ten pushes hs fingers through Sicheng’s hair. “You’re gonna be so successful, you know that? There’s so many auditions, in so many places, everyday. And one day, you’ll act so well, and they’ll see how fucking talented you are.”

 

“Ten, stop.” His face burns red with embarrassment.

 

“I’m serious. You’re gonna be so famous one day, I won’t know how to keep up. I’ll turn into like, your personal assistant or something.”

 

Sicheng giggles. “Shut up.”

 

“Tell me your Starbucks order in advance, I need to memorize it before it’s too late.”

 

Sicheng looks up and Ten’s eyes hold so much warmth, that he feels like he’s melting into little bits of himself. “I love you,” He says softly.

 

Ten kisses his forehead. “Love you more.”

 

*

“So you adopted a dog,” Sicheng starts hesitantly, “Without telling your roommates?”

 

Ten looks up from nuzzling his face in the tiny brown dog’s fur. “Yeah, that’s pretty much the gist of it.”

 

“They’re gonna be pissed.”

 

Ten considers this. “Maybe Kun. I know Xiaojun is gonna be cool with it.”

 

“Once you tell them.” 

 

Ten nods. He places the small creature in Sicheng’s arms. “Can you take her for a walk until I tell them? I need to butter them up.”

 

“I feel used.”

 

Ten scoffs. “That’s because I’m  _ using  _ you. Duh.”

 

Sicheng clips the leash to the collar. “Come on, Cocoa.”

 

Ten shoves his arm. “Don’t call her that! I want to name her!”

 

Sicheng sticks his tongue out. “You lost naming privileges when you called me over here. Let’s go,  _ Cocoa _ .”

 

The two walk around the quiet neighborhood, Cocoa looking back every so often. Sicheng glances at the Scooby-Doo themed leash. He laughs quietly. “Where the hell did he even find this?” He wonders aloud. Cocoa gives him a look. “You’re right. It is Ten, we’re talking about.”

 

Cocoa stops to pee and Sicheng’s phone rings. “Hello?” 

 

Twenty minutes later, he pushes the door open to Ten’s house, Cocoa running to greet him. His mind is cloudy. 

 

Kun examines the dog. “She’s cute, I guess.”

 

Xiaojun gasps in disbelief. “Cute? She’s adorable!”

 

Ten hands her to Xiaojun, face covered in joy. “Great. There was no way I’d be able to give her back. She’s my baby.”

 

Sicheng leans against the wall, heart burning at the sight of Ten smiling. “Hey, Ten, do you need to grab some stuff from the pet store?” He asks. He has to tell him tonight. 

 

Ten looks confused for a moment before understanding. “Yeah. I’ll meet you in the car.”

 

Sicheng stares at the dashboard of the car, eyes fixed on a tube of chapstick Ten always left in the cupholder. It’s grapefruit scented and stains his lips. It tastes like a Saturday farmers’ market.

 

Ten slides into the passenger seat. “I can’t believe they fell in love with her, just like that! I got lucky, huh?”

 

Sicheng nods. “Very lucky.” His voice is detached, somewhere else entirely. Floating in the atmosphere.

 

Ten looks over in concern. “What’s up?”

 

The car halts at a stop light. “You know the play that I wrapped up last week? They offered me the same role at another theater. Same director and everything.”

 

Ten breathes in and closes his eyes. “How far?”

 

“Ten.”

 

“Just tell me. We’ll be fine.”

 

“Three hours by plane.”

 

Ten nods slowly and faces the window. “Okay.” He clenches his fists. “How much do you know about dog food?”

 

It is evening, the sun is setting, and their hearts are splintering, oozing, fracturing, trying to make their way back to each other.

 

*

The director claps her hands, praises the actors on stage, everyone breaking for lunch. 

 

Sicheng is changing out of costume when Lucas nudges him. Lucas had been in the previous production of the play and after a bit of communication, the two decided to become roommates. 

 

“Is Ten coming tomorrow night?” Lucas asks. 

 

Sicheng shakes his head. “Nah. He just started this new job so it’d be a waste to take time off right now. Besides, he came to opening night last time.”

 

“Yeah, but this is a bigger theatre. Bigger audience, bigger chances. Are you sure you’re cool with that?”

 

Sicheng looks away and zips his bag up. “Yeah,” He says. “It’s not a big deal.”

 

Lucas looks unconvinced but says nothing. “If you say so, dude.”

 

It is late at night when Ten calls, Sicheng’s stage makeup already wiped off, drowsiness weighing on him. 

 

“Hey,” Ten says. He holds Cocoa up to the camera. “Look who got a trim!”

 

Sicheng laughs. Cocoa looks ridiculously bare. “Ten, I think they took too much off.”

 

“Are you saying she looks ugly?” Ten turns to Cocoa and says in the grossest voice possible, “Is he calling you ugly?”

 

“Cocoa, you’re gorgeous.”

 

Ten rolls his eyes. “We don’t believe you. Isn’t that right Cocoa?”

 

Ten then proceeds to hold an entire conversation with the dog, changing voices every so often. His face is still red from washing it, contacts popped out and glasses on. Sicheng misses him. 

 

“How was work?” Sicheng asks.

 

Ten pauses the conversation and grins. “Really fun! We started a new layout today and it looks pretty cool so far. Submissions ended last week so we also started looking through those. It’s exciting. People are so creative.”

 

Ten had taken a job as an art director at a new literary magazine. He had gushed about the job for days, excited to pursue something he loved. Sicheng was excited too; Ten was interested in almost all mediums of art so to have this job offered to him was like a dream.

 

“That’s great,” Sicheng replies. “It sounds really fun.”

 

Ten agrees and launches into talking about this new sketchbook he bought even though he already has five unused ones, about Kun’s new composition, about how 

Xiaojun has finally convinced the soccer team he coaches to add him to their group chat. 

 

“Hmm, let’s see, what else happened…” Ten trails off. His voice is like a lullaby to Sicheng’s tired ears. “Oh! I started taking Zumba classes on Wednesdays.”

 

“Zumba?” 

 

Ten nods excitedly. “Yeah, it’s like exercise but you’re dancing! You should come with me when you get home.”

 

_ When you get home.  _ Which would be, what, three months from now? Too long. 

 

Sicheng turns on his side and looks at the stack of books covering his desk. All recommendations from Ten. 

 

“Are you okay?” Ten asks from far away. “You should probably sleep. It’s getting late.”

 

The spine of  _ Slaughterhouse Five  _ has three times as many wrinkles now. Sicheng wishes he was Billy Pilgrim, able to live with time being nonlinear. He wants to live in the moments where Ten is close enough to reach. 

 

“Ten,” Sicheng starts shakily. He isn’t used to saying these things. “I don’t want to travel far away again. I hate this, I hate-“

 

“Sicheng.” Ten stops him. His face is serious. 

 

“I  _ miss  _ you.”

 

Ten’s eyes soften briefly. “You’ve worked so hard for these opportunities, these connections. I’ll always be here. They won’t.”

 

Sicheng feels like crying. He misses him. Riding to work is boring, and rehearsal is boring, and Lucas is energetic but not enough to fill the absence. Reading is pointless when he has no one to talk to about it because Ten on the phone is not the same as hanging upside down on his couch ranting about shitty protagonists. He misses the scent of green tea. 

 

“It’s only been a month. We can do three more, okay?”

 

Sicheng nods because there’s not enough words in his heart to tell Ten that he  _ can’t.  _

 

“I love you.” Ten says it with weight, with significance, with raw emotion. 

 

Something wet slips past Sicheng’s eye. “But it won’t be the last time. I think I’ll always be far away.”

 

“And I’ll be right there with you. Like right now. Okay? You can’t get rid of me.” Ten sighs, a teasing tone slipping into his voice. “Thespians are so dramatic.”

 

“I love you,” Sicheng whispers. “I love you so much.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah I get it, we love each other. Same old, same old.” He rolls his eyes and Sicheng laughs. 

 

Ten lifts Cocoa up to the camera. “Break a leg!” He mimes. 

 

Sicheng feels lighter. “Thank you Cocoa. I appreciate that.”

 

*

 

Ten holds up two containers of juice. “Which should we get?”

 

Sicheng eyes the equally unappetizing beverages. One is green and chunky, while the other is orange and slimy looking. “The green one maybe? Or neither?”

 

Ten rolls his eyes and places both in the cart. “You have to get your vitamins, babe. Antioxidants too.”

 

Sicheng pushes the cart forward and observes the various types of butters. “Do you even know what an antioxidant is?”

 

“No, not really.”

 

Sicheng reads the label of a package that looks like butter, and is  _ maybe  _ butter, and hopefully not margarine. “I sent my audition in yesterday.”

 

“Oh? When should you hear back?”

 

“Maybe two weeks? Not longer than that, I’m pretty sure.”

 

Sicheng had sent in an audition clip for an independent film. He’s nervous; it’s his first audition for something that isn’t live and it feels weird. 

 

Ten pushes his glasses up. Fluorescent lighting catches on his skin. “Ah, I’m so excited. You’re totally gonna get the role.”

 

“You say that every time.”

 

“Nope!” He grins. “Only when I have a good feeling.”

 

It is a week and a half later when Sicheng is having a staring contest with Cocoa is Ten fiddling around with a layout on his laptop when his phone rings. 

 

“Can you toss me my phone, beloved?”

 

Ten gags and throws the device across the living room. “Never say that again.”

 

Sicheng blows a kiss and answers. “Hello?”

 

Fifteen minutes later he hangs up, body numb. Cocoa tilts her head in confusion. “Holy shit.”

 

Ten doesn’t look up from his laptop. “Who was that?”

 

“I think,” He looks up, smile breaking. “I’m going to be in a movie.”

Ten slams his laptop shut. “You’re fucking with me.”

 

“I’m absolutely not.”

 

Ten rushes forward and plants a kiss on his lips. “Should I quit my job and become your PA now? Is now the right time?”

 

Sicheng laughs, colors floating in his chest, mind flying high above. He holds Ten close, impossibly close, afraid he’ll float away. “Ten, I’m so happy. I’m so, so happy.”

 

Cocoa watches the scene from afar, trying hard to understand. There isn’t much to it really; it feels like daydream captured in reality.

 

*

 

“All your pretentious art friends keep staring at me,” Sicheng whispers in Ten’s ear as they weave their way through the crowd at Johnny’s photography exhibition. “They look like they’re analyzing me.”

 

“They all watched the film, duh. That shit totally appeals to us.” Ten leads him to a photo of Cocoa standing in a puddle. “Aw, this was when she was a tiny baby.”

 

“Did Cocoa give her consent to be photographed?”

 

Ten whips his head around. “You hang around with the Rainbow Review staff,  _ once _ , and start acting like Cocoa can talk. I’m her guardian, dumbass.”

 

“I personally think your coworkers are cool.”

 

“You just called them my ‘pretentious art friends’.” He places air quotes around the phrase.

 

Sicheng shakes his head. “I meant it affectionately.”

 

“What did you mean affectionately?” Johnny swings his arms around the couple.

 

“He called my friends pretentious.”

 

Johnny turns to Sicheng. “Am I included on that list?”

 

“Nah. You’re too snarky.”

 

Johnny beams at the insult. “Thanks, dude!”

 

“Johnny, that was an insult,” Ten clarifies. 

 

Johnny shrugs. “Yeah, I figured about as much.” He slowly back away. “I’ve gotta greet everyone else but if you need a wedding photographer, I’m free!” And he speeds away.

 

Ten and Sicheng look at each other. “Wedding?”

 

The rest of night was full of comments like that; insinuating engagement, marriage, even possible adoption. They are driving home when Ten brings it up.

 

“Everyone thought we were already married. Isn’t that crazy?”

 

Sicheng turns into their complex. He decides to approach this conversation carefully. “Do you not want to be married…?”

 

Ten gapes from the passenger seat. “I never said that. It’s been like, four years. It would be cool, I guess, to be married, or whatever.”

 

Sicheng reaches over the console and laces his fingers with Ten’s. “I like spring weddings best, by the way.” 

 

Ten gasps. “Are we getting married?”

 

Sicheng pulls into the lot. “Well I’d certainly  _ like _ it.”

 

Ten leans back, dreamy expression on his face. The moon bounces off the surface of his glasses, eyes sparkling like newborn stars. “I’m so excited. Holy fuck! We’re getting married!”

 

Sicheng is about to kiss Ten when a thought hits him. “Do you think Cocoa already thought we were married too?”

 

“I think she had her suspicions,” Ten says seriously. He holds a smile back. 

 

Sicheng kisses him once, twice, dozens of times. He’s so weird. He loves him.

 

*

 

It is early morning, dawn opening up on the horizon, and Ten is wearing a hideous orange beanie. There’s a green tea in one hand, book in the other, silver band on his ring finger. He flicks through the novel, seemingly disinterested. 

 

Sicheng wraps an arm around his waist and leans his head on his shoulder. “Is it boring?” He whispers.

 

Ten nods. “Gosh, this new staff needs to learn how to put the good books in the front. This book is god awful.” He places it back on the shelf and retrieves another one. He takes a sip of his tea. “Round two,” He says as he begins skimming. 

 

The moment feels like a gentle collision, a lovely realization, a perfect pause. It’s life unfolding in the unusual bookstore that opens at the crack of dawn, it’s reality breaking it apart, it’s love piecing them together. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> EDIT: I actually won't be posting anymore fics. I plan to be really busy in the upcoming months and it doesn't look like it'll slow down after that!! thank you reading this and any other of my works and please, please keep supporting nct and wayv!!


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